Agile Web Development

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Acts As Enterprisey

Introduction

Let’s face it, we all want the big bucks. And we all know Consultancy Law No. 1:

    Your Rates Are Proportional To Your App's Enterpriseyness

Or, as Shakespeare would have said:

    Enterprisey Apps Invite, Nay Demand, Enterprisey Rates.  Verily, Sunshine.

Rails make life easy for us but — and it’s a big but — we don’t want it to look easy. acts_as_enterprisey is your friend.

How does acts_as_enterprisey make webapp development look hard? Well, the only way your client can judge your app is by playing around with it. What better gives the feeling of heavy weights being lifted behind the scenes than slow response times? Exactly. That’s what acts_as_enterprisey does.

So while your client clicks, …waits…, and then gets the page, you can blather on heroically about wrestling with clustered indexes, cache expiration strategies, n log n seek times, etc ad nauseam.

Usage

Simply insert acts_as_enterprisey in your ActiveRecord model. That’s it. (It wouldn’t be much use if you actually had to do some work to make it look hard, would it?)

For example:

    class ShuttleLaunchSequencer < ActiveRecord::Base
      acts_as_enterprisey
    end

This slows down all the ShuttleLaunchSequencer’s finders by 2 seconds.

Another example:

    class GpsSatelliteBeacon < ActiveRecord::Base
      acts_as_enterprisey :delay => 3, :random => true
    end

This slows down the GpsSatelliteBeacon’s finders by a random delay between 0 and 3 seconds.

You can feel your rates rising already. I know it.

Strategy

Clients pay you to solve their technical problems. They want to feel like they’re getting their money’s worth. Especially after you start submitting enterprisey invoices.

So make their wishes come true: it’s only fair. Ethical, even. Crank the delay up as the deadline approaches, make them sweat, display fortitude and perseverance, etc. And when they can’t take it (the app’s sluggishness, your bills, whatever) any more, whip out the acts_as_enterprisey from your models and book the flights to Vegas.

Installation

Install in the usual Rails way:

    script/plugin install http://opensource.airbladesoftware.com/trunk/plugins/acts_as_enterprisey

Author

Sometimes plausible deniability is best.

But, for the record, you can blame {Andrew Stewart}[mailto:boss@airbladesoftware.com] at {AirBlade Software}[http://airbladesoftware.com].

Licence

acts_as_enterprisey is available under the MIT licence. See MIT-LICENCE for the details.

Copyright © 2006 Andrew Stewart

Vitals

Home http://airbladesoftware.com
Repository http://opensource.airbladesoftware.com/trunk/plugins/acts_as_enterprisey
License Rails' (MIT)
Rating (143 votes)
Owner Andrew Stewart
Created 24 December 2006

Comments

  • Sorin
    5 November 2007

    Hehe, right you are...

    But wait, rails is slow enough to make things look enterprisey, why a plugin?

  • Avatar
    Fengbo
    17 September 2007

    What a funny plugin! I was told a similar story before. I took it as a joke. But you've implemented one.

  • Avatar
    26 July 2008

    I really love this plugin - app really look enterprisey with almost no effort :) clients love when i speed up whole application after days/weeks of "tweaking" :) thx, dk

  • 21 August 2008

    The one thing rails needed to finally be ready for the enterprise.

  • Avatar
    robert hope
    4 December 2008

    I told all my clients that we're running J2EE and have doubled my profits since using this wonderful plugin. I've even made money "optimizing" their web apps.

  • Avatar
    13 August 2009

    This would've been great if it wasn't written for Ruby. Enterprises don't hire Ruby developers.

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